What is what to do when someone with bpd pushes you away?

When someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) pushes you away, it can be a painful and confusing experience. Here's some information on how to navigate this situation:

• Understand the Behavior: Pushing away is often a defense mechanism. It can stem from a fear of abandonment, a feeling of being unworthy of love, difficulty with emotional regulation, or feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of the relationship. Understanding that the behavior is often rooted in their own pain, rather than being a reflection of you, can help. Learn about the term "fear of abandonment" that may apply.

• Give Them Space: Respect their need for space. Trying to force connection when they are pushing away can actually reinforce the behavior and make them feel more overwhelmed. It is vital to offer space.

• Reassure, But Don't Overdo It: While giving space, also provide gentle reassurance that you care and will be there for them when they are ready. Avoid excessive messaging or calls, which can feel suffocating. A simple "I'm here for you when you need me" can be enough.

• Maintain Boundaries: While empathy is important, it's equally important to set and maintain healthy boundaries for yourself. Pushing away can sometimes involve manipulative or hurtful behaviors. Know your limits and stick to them. Clearly communicate to them what you won't accept. Enforce boundaries.

• Don't Take It Personally: It's easier said than done, but try not to internalize their behavior as a personal attack on your worth. Remember that their actions are driven by their internal struggles.

• Encourage Therapy: Encourage them to seek professional help if they aren't already. Therapy, particularly Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), can be very effective in helping individuals with BPD manage their emotions and relationships. Learn more about DBT.

• Seek Support for Yourself: Dealing with someone who has BPD can be emotionally draining. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you cope with the challenges.

• Practice Patience: Recovery and stability are rarely linear. There will be ups and downs. Patience is key.

• Communicate Clearly and Calmly: When you do interact, communicate your feelings and needs in a calm, direct, and non-accusatory manner. Avoid getting drawn into arguments or reacting defensively.

• Consider if the Relationship is Healthy for You: While support is important, sometimes the best thing for both you and the person with BPD is to create distance or end the relationship, especially if their behavior is consistently harmful to you, or if you are unable to maintain your own well-being within the relationship.